booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
