Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize