New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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