How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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