im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
