porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
