...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
