bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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