oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
