Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
