Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
