i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
