Sry I called you an 8
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
