No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
