I showed him my bush... on skype.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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