Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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