I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dignity is for republicans.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize