I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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