Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
