Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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