I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
