I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
