dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
