the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
