I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
