So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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