Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
