didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
and she was petting her beer can
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
