I'd wear matching sweaters with you
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I need to stop coming to work sober
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
