i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
