she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
