And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
