i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
