just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
