we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
