I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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