I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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