dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
