Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
