Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
