how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
never play flip cup with pint glasses
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize