Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
