I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
