tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
