Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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