I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
