I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
