I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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