No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
