dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
