WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
