I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
