ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Banned from zoo.
Again?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
