is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
