First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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