i would punch a child for taco bell
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
