When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize