love makes seman taste better
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
