Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
