I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
