I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
