the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
