I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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