i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize