We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am never drinking with the goths again.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
