watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
