Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
