next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
