Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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