i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Send help, water and tortillas.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
