Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
