dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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