I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
