So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
