I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
