Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
