Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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