do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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