can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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