I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
