K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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