i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Green mimosas i think yes
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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