my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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