my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
