Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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