Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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