someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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