Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
