I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
