no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
