Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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