Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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