Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
