I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can't turn off my feet"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
