fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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