oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
