I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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