1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize