but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize