I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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