take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
